Last night while I was making dinner and my son saw my cat Sabby lying in the kitchen, I discovered once again the parallels between dealing with veterinarians and dealing with our own health.

But, this is not a story about me and my cat.

This is a story about all of us who deal with chronic pain, depression and anxiety.  There are so many similarities  I found between my own experience and what’s common for those of us dealing with these invisible illnesses.

“Mom, look at Sabby, ” he said, ” His belly is huge.  Feel this.   He looks awful!”

It was 7:30PM, I was hungry and in the midst of making a late supper for us.   What I was looking forward to was eating (I was long overdue already!) and cleaning up the kitchen, turning in for the evening early.

I so didn’t want to hear that.

The truth is I had noticed over the last couple days that Sabby was acting funny.  He was hanging out in my room by the heater a lot and had had an accident.  I thought to myself, “Oh, it’s just this one time.  Don’t make a deal out of it, this happens.  Just clean it up and move on.”

Pausing here – stepping outside of this example – and noticing how many times I’ve noticed that I don’t feel well, and just passed over it rather than give myself a little TLC in the moment.  How many times has this happened for you?

Anyway, I’d noticed Sabby didn’t seem up to par and I didn’t really want to deal with it.  Not because I don’t care – but because I didn’t have the energy to find out what’s going on.

So, I said to Aaron, “The vet is open on Saturday and I’ll call in the morning.”

In the meantime, Aaron said, “Mom, he looks really bad to me and I have a bad feeling about this.”

Oh, how I hate when Aaron has a bad feeling about something.  I just hate it!!!

“Oh, @$%^#, ” I thought, “Now, I have to deal with it.”  I sooooo didn’t want to.  I can’t tell you how much I didn’t want to deal with this.

Fortunately for me, my vet has an emergency service which she almost always responds to.  She called me back and met me at the office.

After examining him, she said, “It’s not urinary blockage so what we need to do is blah blah blah!”  It’s not that what she was was unimportant –  it’s that I couldn’t understand it.  Nor did I want to understand her.

All I wanted to know is that he was going to be okay.  I wanted reassurance and a plan of action to take care of him.  I didn’t want details.

She continued sharing the details and my ears perked up when she said, “We need to rule out heartworm and feline leukemia.  That could have potentially devastating consequences not only for Sabby but for your other cats at home.”

OMG!!!  OMG!!!  OMG!!!!  My system was on full alert.  I might be dealing with an epidemic rather than one sick cat. As I tried to hold it together for my son who was with me, I could feel my heart sink into the pit of my stomach as tears streamed uncontrollably down my face.

My worst fears were coming true.  This was somehow all my fault.

Here’s what I learned.  As I share this with you, think about your own situation or perhaps that of someone you love who is dealing with chronic pain, depression or anxiety:

This is a No Blame Zone: It’s so common to blame ourselves when we suffer from chronic pain, depression and anxiety.  The truth is it’s not your fault. (Just like it’s not my fault that I have these things.)  It happens, life happens, and it’s up to us to find ways that work for us to deal with it.  That’s the reason I chose to teach Your Health Your Way (which will be starting again – stay tuned for more details soon)

This is Also a No Blame Zone for Loved Ones: When we love someone who is sick, it is likewise not our fault.   (Just like it isn’t my fault that the cat is sick.)  People struggle with depression, chonic pain and anxiety and we didn’t cause it.

Not wanting to deal with health issues is natural and human: No one wants to deal with health issues that get in our way.  I keep learning this over and over again despite the fact that I often ask myself, “Why didn’t you get help for this before?”  The facts are that illnesses disrupt our already busy lives and we have other things we’d rather deal with .  That’s the way it is – it’s not an indictment of our character.

So, if you’ve got health issues going on that you don’t feel like dealing with, I get it.  Permission to deal with them when you’re ready to or when things get acute enough that you feel forced to deal with them – or not.  It’s up to you.

Help – and any number of choices –  will be available whenever you decide you’re ready for it.   And with some experimentation, you’ll find things that work well for your lifestyle.  I believe that with all my heart.

Healthcare Providers may be thinking out loud:  When healthcare providers start talking in what appears to be gobbldy gook, in my opinion, it is okay to tune out of whatever they are saying that you don’t understand. Think about what is most relevant for you to get your needs met.  In my case, what I needed was to be reassured that my cat would be okay and also to know the other cats weren’t potentially in jeopardy.  I also recognized that my veterinarian needed to process things out loud in order to draw her own conclusions

Healthcare Providers often cannot offer us exactly what we are needing:  My veterinarian could actually not offer me the reassurance that I wanted. How do I know this?  Because I asked her directly, “Will he be okay?” and she said, “Char, the prognosis for your cat is not good.”  That’s not what I wanted to hear.  On the other hand, I said, “Does it look like it’s heartworm or feline leukemia which would jeopardize my other cats?” and she said, “At this point, it doesn’t look like that’s the case and I’ve ruled it out pretty much.”  Again, this is not the absolute reassurance I wanted but it helped me.

So, if you’re dealing with chronic pain, anxiety or depression – the good news is there is hope and help available for you when you’re ready for it. And when you’re not ready, there’s still that same hope and help that is available whenever you choose to attend to it.

And physicians and others who speak gobbledy-goop?  There’s ways of dealing with that to get the information that is most useful to you.

Figure out what your needs are from your healthcare provider and ask for them.  For example, you can say, “Can you reassure me that I’ll be okay?”  If that’s what you need, ask directly for it.   Even if they can’t reassure you, that knowledge is better than wondering about it in my opinion.

I offer you tools that I personally have found helpful as I’ve navigated my way through chronic pain, depression and anxiety – and found I was really ready to partner with my providers to take care of myself.  I wanted information that I could understand.  I wanted to help myself find things that really worked for me on my own .  I developed some strategies were truly helpful.

I now offer you these same tools that you can adapt and custom fit to your own ever changing health situations.  To use them in ways that feel truly supportive, loving and give you the information you need to make the choices that are right for you.

When you’re ready, there’s hope and there’s help available for you no matter what you’re struggling with.  And when you’re not ready, and just want support and understanding for whatever you’re experiencing, I hope that you find that too.

Whether you choose to read my blog or contact me personally, I believe that there is hope and help available for you – always – in ways that may be surprisingly simple and do-able.

As for my cat, it’s a waiting game at the moment.  I’m waiting for test results and while I do, I’m doing the little things that help me feel better like doing yoga, staying in touch with my kids, and walking my dogs.  Why?  Because taking care of myself is ultimately taking care of those I love.

I invite you to do the same – is there one thing that comes to your mind right now that would be helpful to you to feeling better?  Share it with us here on the blog – your ideas give others ideas too.  I’d love your good wishes for Sabby too!

2 Responses to “There’s Hope and Help Available . . . When You’re Ready”

  1. Ilene London Says:

    Dear Char – I always, always learn something from you each time I read your blog or we talk. Please know that I am wishing the best for Sabby…and of course, as always, for you. xoxo

  2. Char Brooks Says:

    Thank you so much Ilene. Your support means the world to me.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

Please leave a comment!

Are you human? *