December 23rd, 2009
My focus this week has been on how our relationships can be supportive of feeling our best. We get to decide if we need more time with others or more time to ourselves.
What I want you to know is that even when you’re super busy, you can still stay connected to yourself so that you don’t feel so burnt out later by too many commitments.
Being with others doesn’t mean you’re responsible for things “working out.” If you’re the hostess and have a lot of company coming for dinner, it can feel overwhelming even with help to pull it all off.
The simple answer here is you can’t make anyone do anything. We aren’t responsible for how others act . We just do our part and see what happens.
We can do our part by trying very hard or loosening our grip on the whole situation by resting into it. Rest isn’t really a concrete concept. What’s restful for one of us is often a major deal for another.
For example, when I make dinner for the holidays, I do quite a bit of planning and preparation ahead of time.
Lately, I’ve been playing with relaxing while I”m doing the actual planning and leg work – in very simple ways. Like noticing the first sign of needing to go to the bathroom and going then instead of when I’m way overdue.
Another example of this is noticing that I”m tired, hearing that “just do this one more thing” voice in my head giving me my marching orders and being willing to acknowledge that voice.
Honestly, it’s a second and third step to actually stop doing what I’m doing and pull myself away. It’s usually not easy for me to pull myself away from what I’m doing even for a minute. . . but I’m working with it.
And that simple “loosening of my grip” when I notice it is putting a tiny bit of rest into the prep work.
Similarly, when we’re with others that tiny awareness that “I’m not responsible for how this works out” even when I notice myself trying to make sure things go right – is the first step towards rest. The second and third steps are choosing what conversation I want to engage in particularly when someone says something that feels provocative or taunting.
Again, it’ wearing life as a loose garment as Carla Blaznek says.
My work is about helping people who aren’t feeling so great face it with greater ease and with the tools they need to get information and support. Rest as an attitude or intention is one of the ways to support ourselves when we’re feeling stressed, overtired, or hurting.
Being willing to notice that something has us feeling ickyin my opinion is a great place to begin. Stop right there and you’ve accomplished a lot.
Resting into being with others or being with ourselves can be as simple as being willing to notice that fatigue factor.
It’s the reason I named my business The First Step as life is a series of steps that we can take no matter what we’re involved with.
When we notice something, it instantly has feedback for us if we’re willng to listen and not force the message.
What are you willing to notice about yourself? Whatever that is, please feel free to share it here.
I invite you to comment by filling in this sentence.: ” I am willing to notice______________” You are always welcome to say more about it if you want. I’d also love to know how this idea of willingness to rest affects you as theholidays approach.