Running Into Restlessness Again. . . .
December 4th, 2009
Every one of us requires rest – every single day. And we all define it differently depending on what’s going on in our lives.
Which leads me to how I’m feeling in this moment because my life is upside down due to lack of sleep. I’m not sure why that is but I’ll explore it with you and maybe we’ll both learn something.
Sleep is the love of my life and my current challenge because it’s so hard for me to do.
Then, there’s something I call rest – which right now is a power surge of adrenalin in my life that seems to run on its own current. I’ve looked at this in a few other posts as well.
I’ve been redefining sleep for me and thinking I can get by without it maybe for a while. I think this is where things actually start falling apart for me though as when I get so sleep deprived that I think I don’t need it – well, there goes my routines that nourish me so much.
Things like my regular exercise in the morning which I love so much, my afternoon walks with my dogs, writing, eating healthy, water, all fall by the wayside as my life gets so out of balance when I’m on this kind of high.
And, before you know it my mood dips and I find that every little thing starts to bug me and even though I get so much accomplished when I don’t sleep and that’s so seductive, that intense way of living isn’t sustainable for me.
In more relaxed moments when I am sleeping, I don’t think living life on the edge like that is sustainable for anyone – and I think to one degree or another that kind of behavior is what fuels addiction, road rage, and a whole bunch of stuff that in the long run helps more than hurts us.
What I want is to notice this adrenalin surge – just what it feels like in my body right now. To take a couple deep breaths before I type another word – really resisting that sensation to do “just one more thing” – and slow down just enough to feel that underlying restlessness that I’m running from.
There. . . . I feel it now.
I notice how scared I feel, how I want for so many things to work out MY way, and how many variables I have absolutely NO control over.
I notice how lonely I feel despite the fact that my house is full of 7 animals and two kids – and brimming over with love as well as concern as all of us are transitioning from one thing to another.
And now. . . . just now. . . . I notice I’m really really tired.
How are you feeling – right now? Take three deep breaths – yes, you can do this. It will take you maybe a minute or less. How about a nice deep sigh? Or a yawn? Stretch your arms . . . . close your eyes. How are you feeling right now – check in with your body, your brain, and anything else you want – I really want to know. I’m doing a little experiment to see if we are really willing to relate to ourselves this intimately and get to know ourselves a little better.
Are you ready to take that chance and use this opportunity to check in? If so, great – love to hear about it if you want to share it. After all, learning and supporting each other through whatever it is is what I’m all about.
Comment Zen:
- Share how you feel, ask questions if you want, give feedback.
- Support and insights are most welcome. But, please – no criticism or judgments of me or others.
- You are welcome to mention websites or authors you’ve found helpful. Refrain from giving medical advice.
No related posts.
December 6th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Char, I think you’ve really hit on something important here. I read a book by Thich Nhat Hahn (actually I’ve read several), where one thing really jumped out at mel. I don’t remember the exact four words he used, but the first one was STOPPING. The others had to do with calming, resting, etc. His whole point was that you can’t relax and find peace within yourself unless you really, truly *stop* first–and that includes mental activity as well as physical.
I just did what you suggested–via three deep breaths while checking in with myself–and what I noticed come up was fear. I’m not sure what it’s fear *of,* but it’s definitely a resistance to stopping because then I’ll have to face whatever-it-is. And something in me isn’t ready for that. Hmmm.
Interesting post–thanks!
December 6th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Stopping is the hardest thing to do – even when it’s just for a second – in my opinion. I wanna run right through most everything – and it sometimes works for me like when I think I can run on adrenalin. Until the WALL stops me – then I wake up and stop on my own instead of running into brick walls.
I’m glad that you were able to take a second to take a couple deep breaths. Three is great – one is a huge accomplishment though quite honestly. Cuz, like I said, it’s very hard to do.
Let me know what you discover about the fear that came up. You may also know this but fear stands for “false evidence appearing real” – just a little something for you to consider as you’re trying to figure out what the resisitance is about. Also, that resistance is really just trying to keep you safe from something in it’s own twisted way. I’ll be saying more about this but see http://www.thefluentself.com for more on this one. Havi’s a master on this particular subject though I think it’s highly relevant to patient and caregivers which is my slant on the world.
Thanks for stopping in.